I’ll Sleep When I’d Dead

There so much that I don’t know, much to do and  much to see but oh my time is short. Bed draws near but perhaps, I’ll sleep when I’m dead.

– more sleepless tweets

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The Dangers of a Single Story

Because some stories have to be told.. Read and support Fungai’s cause.

Fungai Makawa

The other day I was involved in a conversation concerning my efforts on crowdfunding my Master’s degree. At the time I had mentioned that I hadn’t gotten the traction I would like and the friend I was talking to pointed out (and everyone agreed) that I had a snowball’s chance of raising the amount I needed because I didn’t fit the narrative. My story isn’t the atypical African story that you see plastered over the internet, in the news and every charity or organization doing work in Africa. I don’t have the look of some child suffering from malnutrition and starving like the images you get of Ethiopia and Eritrea, I’m not a former child soldier and Kony isn’t my local overlord, my parents didn’t die of AIDS or political turmoil, I’m not an orphan and my parents are both alive and well. Admittedly I do come from a country…

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The Pilgrimage of All Souls

So I stood and walked a while, I looked back and I saw myself younger, in the summer at my uncle’s house. I saw myself playing two-man cricket with my cousin, I felt the heat and smelt the humid air. I heard the dogs bark, the birds sing and faint rustle of leaves and grass as a gentle breeze blew past. I looked back and I saw myself laugh and shout at a well hit shot. I had no worries, I was happy.

I looked back and I saw myself grow. I saw myself at school on the hill, I had a book in hand and looked to the valley below. I could see the lake in the distance that called to me. I imagined dragons , fought wizards and saved damsels and rode into the sun. I took myself places because I didn’t want to be where I was. I saw myself on the hill, above my school, hidden in the trees, away from everything else because I was alone, I wanted to be alone because I thought they just didn’t get it. I looked back, I saw myself beginning to don armor because the world wasn’t as bright as I thought it was. I saw a young man, not yet broken but already brittle. I was lonely

I looked back and I saw myself at a friend’s birthday. I saw myself find love for the first time. It was just as easy as sitting opposite her at the table and everything changed. I saw myself and I saw joy. I saw the doubts creep in, the darkness eat me away till the light wasn’t there anymore and I closed my eyes. When I opened then again, she was gone. I looked back and I had lost something I didn’t yet understand but I yearned for it. I was heartsick.

I looked back, and a saw a man who’d seen what of the world he could see. I saw a still young man, world-weary, a bit battered, still not yet broken but with scars that might yet fade with time. I wished to give him a shoulder and prop him up but I knew there was nothing I could do. He wasn’t near the end, wasn’t even where I was, he was beyond my help. I saw the man look back, a wistful smile as he looked and saw where he had come from. He look forwards, looked right past me, drifted for a moment, shook it off and continued walking. He had places to go still.

I looked back and he wasn’t there anymore, I stood instead, in his place where his feet had stood. My boot print right above his in the shifting sands, a stick in my hand and a faint memory of where I was meant to be. So I looked up and into the distance and remembered. So I began to walk, I was him, I still had places to go and people to meet and maybe just maybe, reach journey’s end.

Because It’s Complicated

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Because it’s who we are but wish it wasn’t
Because I was too afraid to make the leap                                                                                                                                                                                         Because I wonder still what might have been
Because I had to learn these lessons, even if I didn’t know it                                                                                                                                                           Because I wasn’t full grown yet

 

Because I couldn’t be what you wanted me to be
Because I didn’t want to be, not yet
Because I would have given you all that I was
Because it was too much but not enough

Because when you asked I said “I’m fine” but I wasn’t.
Because you wouldn’t have understood                                                                                                                                                                                        Because if you did, there was nothing you could do about it.
Because I didn’t want to fight, not for you, not for me
Because this time it really was me not you.

Because there was a time when I had no regret and that time is long gone
Because sadness is regret personified                                                                                                                                                                                          Because when I wanted you, you were no longer mine to have
Because I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me
Because I hope that in time it will be me
Because my happiness is bound to you, even if it means you hurt a little
Because its complicated

The Beast With Two Backs: Part 3

To the city from where the sun rose
He first made way
Its ramparts spoke of old wars and sieges
promised, of tales and adventures
Heavy, air of having seen it all hung
The test of time it had withstood 
It began here,in the city where the sun rose.
In an inn our hero found board
Where servers were of heavy bosom
Each serving, they heaved and taunted 
Fawned, teased and pampered
At once coy and knowing
twinkle in eye and smile on welcoming lips
Lips that tongue slowly swept and

a
Bite
Captivating
Slowly drawn from lip
Blush born of innocence
Our hero red he flushed.

The drink cold and nourishing of vigour
Boldened by Dionysius’ favour
A rapier wit as at yet unknown
Let ‘lone tested
Footing it found and was quick in full flight
A gaggle of giggles his servers became
A touch here, a touch there
A stolen kiss
A Passing caress
of cheek and palm
Whispered nothings
Of the promise of night and shadow
Favour of Aphrodite our hero had found too
Oh! But the folly of youth
Unknowing of what next our hero floundered.

Siren

She’d lead you through briar, bush and thorn and leave you torn and battered but enraptured by her song. I’d seen her work enough times to admire her style and admiration was all it was. I played a different game, I sought the perfect kill, my terms, my locations, my call and I gave the impression that you had made it happen. It was perfect for a getaway, I’d leave them thinking it was all their doing. So we walked parallel paths and I’d been tempted one too many times to see if I could a weave thread with them but each time the strands withered. We’d dance, but to different tunes. I’d have her though, one day, it’s a long game and these nights have been devoid of a little fun.