It’s All Bullshit

https://soundcloud.com/arturoza/drowning-armin-van-buuren

[03:11:40] Nines: and here i am high

[03:11:56] Nines: again.

[03:12:05] Nines: i feel like writing a message

[03:12:16] Nines: one for the ages

[03:12:28] Nines: a tale lovers will tell

[03:12:37] Nines: one that moves

[03:12:47] Nines: not just my feet       (why your feet, dancing?)

[03:13:01] Nines: nor just my heart but

[03:13:06] Nines: the story too         (a tale that moves the story, as in the story feels? That in itself is one hell of a feat. Settle for that, telling a story that feels, for darn sakes, a sentient story.)

[03:13:16] Nines: wherever we may tell it

(images of something akin to this: He fell in love with a girl once, not so long ago. She was bright to his dullness, with a cute dimpled smile that stretched her face were he had his taciturn tight-lipped pressed grimace. She danced to life’s beat and he hobbled. She was all the things he was not. But despite all this there was love there; flourishing even as it fought the battles it didn’t know it fought. To each, the sun shone through the eyes of the other, each caress the gentle touch of the silver moon, each word as soothing as silk. Even when enveloped by each other’s darkness, they could see the light that kept the shadows at bay. But despite this, here he was sitting on a park bench holding a scarf, a letter stained with his tears and a fairy’s wand. Somewhere along the line as these things are wont to do something went wrong. It’s a sad tale perhaps, a tale of a bargain, a promise broken, a lost diadem that was never lost and a twice broken mirror. Mostly however, it is a story of fairies and pixies; a story of Puck, Tinkerbell, Tatiana and Oberon. A story of the Fae…)

 

[03:13:49] Nines: i forgot

[03:13:58] Nines: for a moment

[03:14:06] Nines: where i am

[03:14:16] Nines: but where most

[03:14:26] Nines: i should be                          (pray thee tell us where it is you must be)

[03:14:46] Nines: and this in the telling next morn,

[03:15:03] Nines: shall be much better than its foretelling

[03:15:31] Nines: because progression afore

[03:15:41] Nines: it, foretold it.

[03:16:11] Nines: ai, wena, zvandatatura pano,        (I’ve never been one for languages but I guess it says- wow, this that i have said)

[03:16:37] Nines: panzira ino, ndataura chokwadi      (on this path, i have spoken truth)

[03:16:46] Nines: kudhakwa hakuna kudai                  (being drunk isn’t even comparable)

[03:17:22] Nines: asi kunzwa nziyokubva vekudenga  (but listening to the sound of angels)

[03:17:31] Nines: ndiko kuno                                        (this is it)

[03:17:42] Nines: this is history

[03:18:07] Nines: in a sum

[03:18:28] Nines: merely of a fiction

[03:18:48] Nines: that tweedledee and tweedledum

[03:19:01] Nines: might even find elementary

[03:19:14] Nines: this is just my mind

[03:19:26] Nines: telling a story, not the one I set out but a story nonetheless

[03:19:35] Nines: a summary

[03:22:54] Nines: of all human art, there about or so. in a style and hopefully substance of what future english students might discuss on the merits of each line. and here is it, the kicker, what actually every writer has tried to convey – This is, today, in homer’s time, shakespeare’s time, fitzpatricks’s, poe’s, wordsworth’s, twain’s, yeezus and hova – it’s all bullshit. IT’S ALL BULLSHIT. IAB

(My good man, don’t worry about something that isn’t going to happen, no English major is going to study this even  if its better than the weeks I agonised over Ulysses. Fair point though, it is all bullshit; Even more so when you look at all this in the plain light of day. Definitely more so then.)

[03:23:11] Nines: i am high                (I think that’s rather clear old boy)

[04:08:05] OH MY GOD

hayibo, the things I almost said in an alternate future that isn’t this one about the things I almost said this would be a ridiculously long posting of absolutely nothing that matters (isn’t it already?), that lures you in a never series of near missed and mistakes unending and that near grasp that gives you a smidgen of hope. yeah that one, about the loop. yes, another posting of the loop. yes, this it. the loop, unending, cyclical. there goes it, hope, jumping around enticing begging for the chase. but i’m stuck in the beauty of the conception of the chase and this music in my ear, trance, flying, so beautiful this sound, sound, sou….S>S»>OO»»>U»>ND»>..DDDDDD…. climatic… explains the explosions.  “Waiting for the Night” – Alone: Armin Van buuren.

Chindori – Baba Jukwa                     (Ah, a bit of Zimbabwe politics; must be that Facebook page that Zimbos follow that brought this on. You didn’t strike me as a chap who would be interested though. All that live in the moment stuff, or was it YOLO, you spout whenever anyone lends you an ear leads to that conclusion.)

It’s not as innocent as I chose to think… even in the jokes , jokes about cars and dying I forgot to pay attention of sinister implications…. Strangely in this moment I do… wow… Zim is a hard place to live.

(Clearly too hard a topic to discuss, a mood killer, so you change tack.)

Reprise (also an Armin Van Buuren track, but let me not get ahead of myself or you rather.)- how fitting for this moment-“Under pressure” by Queen pops into my head reliving high school, the dance, what if I’d asked Jo and if I hadn’t taking the girl I took.. The finality of reality. 4.23 am
Armin Van Buuren’s album “Intense”­. has been playing on loop the whole time. 3 hrs. Tranced out and flied out. 3 hrs. These are chronicles.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. You keep saying it. Even if it’s another loop. You’ll get out one day. Ahh, another memory. I’ll transcribe the loop conversation one day. This will have to suffice in its stead. I keep recapping 1970-90 comics, rehashing, reintroducing. The loop of today being on History rather than the loop itself. A self-induced reflexive piece. A memory of the harshness of their work tempered by time. Humanity regresses more still. I must save it because, because I’m BATMANNN… Plus he embodied that age. Just saying. Noir cartoon for the win plus 90s Ztv and its backwardness. Enriching my childhood. The memories, the advent of teenage hood felt just like this. Trance being the natural rhythm of life. Glad we finally got to this stage. The answer to the question the mice had found. That is what the number meant. The number of beats in a trance song that lead to symphonic harmony. Teenage hood, coming to grips with the awkwardness of life. But that moment before it is this transic state.  4.36am
Side commentary. When sober. This here would make a solid one man play. 4:40 am

(Well old boy, you got your side commentary and frankly speaking ITS ALL BULLSHIT. I suggest expending your efforts elsewhere or changing tack. But yes, it would make an awesome play wouldn’t it, expanded of course. With me as the star of course, I come from noble blood you know, as a result I have a natural gravitas. I would have studied Drama after Eton but the old fox wouldn’t have any of it. Yes, the finality of reality.)

Armin Van Buuren still playing in the background.

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